I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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