fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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