Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
