Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
