i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
