Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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