if you like me you must not know who I am
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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