If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
