I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
