but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
