Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
