We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
