So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
