get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
