When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
