On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
