he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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