doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just tell him i said nine months
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
