at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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