my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
