OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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