He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
