He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
