Tell her she can't have a vagina
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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