thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
