my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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