but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
