White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
