My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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