im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This baby is an asshole
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
