Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
