They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
and you fell through a lawn chair
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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