Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
