You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
