all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
