Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
