is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
