i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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