I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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