Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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