I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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