you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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