Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
