You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
