Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
