paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
