He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
