Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
