I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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