Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
