and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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