Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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